This post is a little off the beaten – okay a lot off the beaten path. Beatings will resume after I’ve gotten some things off my chest. *smiles sweetly* This post is for myself, and for those of us who suffer from being socially awkward, who have ever felt like they were either not appreciated or completely ignored. I’m not the dear Abby, advice giving type, and unless I have something to say I like to keep things light and fluffy. I have something to say, right now, and I’m going to say it, regardless of how people take it.
A Different Kind Of Social Justice Warrior
If you care about someone show them by your actions. It’s very easy to say “I love you” to someone, and you may even mean it, but do your actions reflect your words? I am a self-proclaimed introvert, I have always enjoyed my own company. Some of the amazingly creative and intelligent women I work with are also introverts. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve seen some interesting things transpire, personally. I also had a heart to heart with someone about something very personal. What I came away with from that conversation, is that sometimes even if you have a very good reason for doing something, your intentions might not be clear to the other person, and may be misconstrued.
You can avoid a lot of hurt feelings by keeping the lines of communication open, and addressing whatever it is that might be causing the misunderstanding. You can also avoid hurt feelings by knowing when to “pull out” and no I’m not talking about penises. I have a three strike, and sometimes one strike rule: If you’ve expressed how you feel about something a person did, and they still do it, that person doesn’t respect you and they’re not about to start. It’s time to cut them loose. But if this hasn’t happened, if you haven’t had “the talk,” then sometimes that’s the most difficult part. Speaking the unspeakable. Before you do, decide if it’s worth it to have “the talk” or if you should just leave the person in question alone.
Tap Into Your Feelings – Stay Connected To Your Emotions
If you decide it’s worth it to address issues, pay attention to how they react or respond to you, and also pay attention to how you respond to them. If they’re still not getting it, or still repeating the unacceptable behavior, that’s your green light to let them go and focus on healing from within. Because honestly anytime I’ve ever had to cut people loose it’s left a mark. Energy is something you have to be mindful of; what type of energy is coming from the people around you, and are you honoring yourself.
If you find you’re dishonoring yourself, leaking energy, or being drained by something or someone who doesn’t serve you or your needs, and your needs aren’t being met, it’s okay to cut them off. At the end of the day you owe yourself a fair chance, and to allow people to clean up their own messes. We are all accountable for our behavior, and while I don’t believe in victim blaming, I also firmly believe that there is a final point where you have to stop playing the victim. Not an easy thing to say, and even harder for some people to hear, but it needs to be said.
Shit Happens – What Matters Most Is How You Deal With It
I have in my life been through traumatic experiences, I use every day as an opportunity to learn and grow from that instead of whining about it. I’m strong because I have to be because I choose to be accountable for my successes and failures. I realize that the energy I put into something is what I’ll get out of it. I also know that going through any type of trauma doesn’t give you the green light to be an asshole to other people – and I see this happening far too often.
In summary? Don’t be a dick (there’s a time and place for sword fighting *wink*). If you love someone show them, in addition to telling them. Honor yourself. Allow yourself to heal. Assess whether a situation is worth addressing or omitting. Focus on the positive. It may sound trite, however, I have found in the past year that we give way too much energy to the opposite of that.
This blog post is not directed at anyone in particular. This blog post is personal. And while I love being a Femdom, I am also a woman who has her own faults she is learning from and better learning how to deal with. And still healing. I wish you all a kinder, gentler 2018, lots of healing, and of course, fun and enjoyment. Take care of yourself.
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Fabulous post, Ms Brighton. I follow the same guideline about whom I allow in my life, and whom I do not. If I do not like their energy, the way they speak to me, the way they treat me, or the way they treat others, they are out. It is rarely a one strike situation, as I like to take into consideration that none of us are perfect. People have their moods. But if the behavior is outrageously unacceptable, it may be a one strike deal.
This is true of my personal life and my LDW life. I am proud that I have good boundaries; that I do not allow people to trample on them. Like you, I have been through some traumatic experiences. But I see my part in them and that has allowed me to get very strong and become more wise.
Thank you for talking about this. Sometimes we need to get serious and talk about some real issues. I am digging this one.
Thank you Violet and I agree that behavior needs to be checked, and if you can’t fix it move on. 😀
Well said Lil Ms. Smacky! 🙂
*smacks fenris* Thank you dear! 😀
thank you for sharing this !
You are VERY welcome, Cannibundt! 😀