We spend a lot of time – okay I spend a lot of time yelling at you man-people for doing stupid fucking ship with your bits. Like how we tell you not to stick certain items in your ass because the ER staff is going to gossip about you and laugh behind your back the entire time you’re there – they’ll help you sure! But they will not appreciate your zeal for stupidity. So we’re going to talk about things you CAN stick up your ass, like Miss Brighton’s special stool, and then you’re going to call me for anal training.
Things You Can Stick Up Your Ass – Anal Training With Goddess Brighton
Fun fact for you, I am a sadist. That means I enjoy beating the ship out of men for my own pleasure, and I am a big fan of pain play and making male subs uncomfortable. And they pay me for it. Win/Win. So first up, we’re gonna talk about butt plugs. Anal plugs were designed to go up your ass without getting stuck there. Research the word flange you twit! You want something with a wide base so that you can get it out of your asshole without causing injuries that I will spare you the details of here. And buttplugs come in varying sizes, perfect for the beginner with a tiny puckered pussy, and for the larger gaping sluts. Now a word to the stupid…. regarding size.
Anal Training: Bigger Is Not Always Better You Moron
I know you’re horny, and when horny brained, you think you want the biggest thing you can fit in your ass, until you nut and reality kicks in. Reality can be painful for the ignorant, remember that, and start small. Wide base, small plug and especially if you’ve never played with your ass before. They sell butt plug kits too… just sayin.
Anal Stretching For Virgin Assholes
It takes time to adjust to a larger size toy, so here’s a few more items you can use for your anal adventures: Suction dildos, prostate massagers, slim vibrators. For easy clean up, put a condom on it. And for the love of kumquats use lube! We’re all familiar with lovense toys right? Well lovense also makes remote toys specifically for your ass that you can link to bluetooth and share with partners and trusted friends to control your toy long distance.
Can’t call? Try sexy texting!
Figging For Dummies – Get Your Ginger Ready!
For any of you into food fetish fantasies and playing with your edible goods, ginger will give you a very intense warm sensation directly on those membranes up your butt. So if you’re going to use ginger, the same rules apply. Carve a nice big piece into a buttplug, big enough to carve a nice base so you don’t lose it in your ass. And then have fun with that intense gingerol feeling!
Mistress Machine is part II of the Haunted Powder room and your next stop on the Halloween blog train. 1-800-601-6975
Pegging And Real Cocks
If you’re looking for a more realistic anal experience, then pegging and/or real cocks are for you! If the real cock in question is on the larger size, it’s best to prepare your ass beforehand, use lots of lube, use condoms, and do some preparatory anal play to get you ready for the big boner. You will have to do the same for pegging, if your Domme is anything like me and has a dick bigger than you will ever have in life.
A Word On Anal Training For Butt Sluts And Carrots
I didn’t mention carrots previously, but I happen to know a few of you who have access to some really large goddamn carrots in produce! Sure you can use those if you like, but remember….. BASE. If there is any possibility that your hungry ass will swallow up that carrot, it’s a no go!
Anal Training With The Goddess Of Debauchery!
Alright fuckers this is your “sign” to call and pay me to watch and listen to you go fuck yourself. Dial 1-800-601-6975 and ask for Mistress Brighton. Got a anal fantasy script? Pay for a custom audio and I will record your anal dreams so you can play them forever and ever or until your device goes boom.
FUCK OFF!!!!!
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